Trust. Such a magnificent attribute and yet so heavily mistreated, misunderstood, abused in so many forms. Mostly, in relationships the key element that creates destruction is trust or the lack of it. With an atmosphere of trust, all need for monitoring, surveilling and all the ugly aspects that demean human worthiness vanish. In this secured environment there is freedom of movement, speech, action such that each individual in a relationship can blossom into their true selves. Lack of it causes hasty conclusions, misplaced judgements and carries so much negative energy that a once healthy relationship shows symptoms of decay and if not held in unconditional love, even death. But how to begin if one has never experienced trust in one’s life? Childhood trauma, betrayal and hurt can cause a person to wall himself in in such a way that there is no room for trust, neither in self nor in others. Poor is the person who has never opened up to the possibilities that trust brings along, the gifts that it bears. And more to be pitied than censored, because often the cause lies very deep within and is placed in an extremely dark hidden place where no light can enter and mostly happens without the knowledge of consciousness.
Recognition of the lack of trust is surely the first step towards healing. If we sit quietly within ourselves and merely observe the emotions and feelings that rise, which can many times be actually felt in the physical body, a tightness of chest, stomach, back ache, we begin to notice the sensations that occur. Merely by observing we bring in a shift, in the way the mind works and most importantly, in the way the subtle energetic body works. Recognition of the issue that there is a hurdle in placing trust either in self or in others works like the first balm of cooling healing to a place of hurt. A development of awareness is the key essential ingredient here. All actions if taken from the quiet stillness that is accessed through awareness will always manifest as that which heals and soothes. Not just for self but for everyone around. Uncontrolled and random thought processes or actions only lead to pain and hurt. The first baby step in every aspect of life is always the cultivation of awareness.
A good friend of mine is going through a relationship crisis where after decades of marriage her husband has been unfaithful. His action is truly and deeply painful for her and the biggest breach in trust that there can be. In spite of this, my friend has acted out of awareness and by breathing an atmosphere of unconditional love, has prevented mostly herself from falling apart, such that all she felt was an aware hurt but no anger or resentment. Allowing for the past actions to be the way they are she has found unconditional love in her heart to forgive and embrace her husband. And yet, her husband is in the grip of an unconscious mind and cannot see the destruction around. This is the deepest and saddest form of acting out of complete unawareness. When one’s self happiness takes precedence over the happiness of loved ones or anyone for that matter, there cannot be truth. Momentary satisfaction hijacking the normal functioning mind is sad to experience and very sad to observe. Where the individual is blinded to what the world can see, is the place that needs particular attention, such that awareness has a chance to rise.
Hers is not the only case of lack of trust and the damage unawareness causes. This happens in so many households and so many families, friends are torn apart merely because actions were taken unconsciously. And yet, my friend, like so many others, feels the power of forgiveness and is rebuilding trust, this time from the deeper and higher self. There is understanding for his action as well. It is true that things are never the way they seem. Perhaps deep traumatic experiences from the past act as triggers on the human mind and then actions without reflection happen. Since all emotions happen within us and we create our own happiness, anger, hatred, there is always a chance to then create that what serves us best and let go of that which is no longer of any value to us. Thus, recognising that the other does not cause happiness, that it is perhaps a mere trigger, brings about the calm status quo where one can feel the own breath leading the way inward and ultimately to the highest self within.
Trust begins with self. Do I trust myself to take the right action, maybe right is the wrong choice of word, maybe conscious action is more mot juste. Arising from that place of stillness that is our purest form all decisions and actions will entail that essential element of trust in it. Trust in the universe, in existence and in ourselves. Because only when we begin to recognise our truest self which resides in the purest consciousness true freedom can blossom and thrive.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.” – Pema Chödrön