Entry 22 Reconciliation

These days, it seems, the world has gone to pieces and little by little, thread by thread, it is time to weave everything back together. Maybe not to have the same pattern we had before, but new ideas, new thoughts, new ways of navigating these troubled waters. Be it on a personal, societal or communal level, we need that security, that something to hold on to, something that can feed us, sustain us, carry us through. It is time for reconciliation.

Months of uncertainty, disbelief and helplessness are about to culminate. Into what? I don’t know. But the sense of an ending lies heavy in the air. Even the sky reflects this ending in all shades of blues possible. Every tree, every leaf is transforming. Bird songs that had a certain tune last year sound different now and here. As if, universe is re-defining itself, and thus we have to re-define ourselves too. If anything, these last months have exposed our vulnerability in its most raw form. We have faced loneliness, isolation, prejudice, ugliness in all various ways. And it is not over yet. But for us to move forward, resting in the lap of universal love and grace, we have to start reconciliating. Mostly, with ourselves. I have been listening. To the inner voice, to friends, children. Each voice has hurt and pain, but each one also has the seed of hope, the innate humane attribute of precious love. There is so much heartbreak within each one, and these days, I am facing it. Facing the deepest fear, that dark place that carries everything I would rather not face. Time is a good friend, but silence is an even bigger friend. I am reconciliating, step by step, making sure I can get up and walk again. Reconciliating with myself and my shadow. So many thoughts that were a part of my life, now belong to another world, to another time and space. Things that were normal are no longer so, and I have to rebuild, re-define, learn to walk, learn to hold up, learn to accept and embrace. And to listen even more.

We stand alone, and yet together, for our uncertainty and helplessness are shared by many. I try to let the breath, just like I would in yoga, guide my movement, my thought, my action, if at all there is any. Because the sky feels heavy, and the moon is wary, so I rest back in the lap of time, which seems to be the only constant in these rapidly changing situations. I am aware of the physical and mental pains that come up, I am the observer and the observant. It seems odd not to act, but strangely also the right thing to do. The boat that I am in is on turbulent and unpredictable waters, so I have pulled the oars in and I remain in silence. These days seem strangely foreign, something out of another planet, something unknown. We have to be acutely aware of ourselves, our surroundings and people around us. We have to reconciliate, recognise and embrace. It is tuning in time, time to touch base with what is happening inside. And no matter what, there is huge joy waiting for us if we can only turn the corner. And in due time, we will. For now, we wait and listen.

The blessed and the blesser becomes one,

where the snow-capped blue mountains

rise to kiss the sky.

Under the canopy of

bright white stars of the night,

wishes of oneness

are led to fulfillment.

The longing to merge

is age-old.

Belonging to the times of

gnarled trees and ancient forests

and older.

Echoes of footsteps

rushing over mossy paths;

Like water over smooth stones.

The heart breaks

to let the morning light in.

And white light floods

the forehead,

bursting forth

to surround me in gentle

loving light.


Photo courtesy: Xavier Coiffic on unsplash


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